In this week's address, the President celebrated the end of the year tradition of list-making with a year-in-review list of his own. The President offered his roundup of the top 10 things that happened in 2015, all of which should make us optimistic about the prospects for 2016.
Sen. McCain reveals his true plan to fight ISIS.
From time to time we here at AAR get lucky and get interviews with top government officials. Today through sheer subterfuge and outright lying I was able to get an interview with none other than war hero and war hawk Sen. John McCain. This wasn't easy. I only gained access because I claimed I was from Fox News. McCain and an aide were dubious about my claim because I'm black. That was until I told them I was Ben Carson. They were silent for a moment and then agreed to an interview after McCain made a comment about us all not looking alike. Below is my interview with Sen McCain and his surprising plan to fight ISIS.
AAR (George Cook) (That's me!): Thank you for granting me this interview Senator McCain.
McCain: Oh no problem, I love helping you people.
(Pause as aide whispers something in McCain's ear. McCain gives me a shocked look.)
McCain: Oh my Mr. Carson I am so sorry I didn't mean to say you people.
AAR: It's okay I work at Fox and hear a lot worse. Can we continue?
(Senator McCain nods.)AAR: Senator you have been very vocal about putting soldiers on the ground and attacking ISIS. Do you really want to do that?
McCain: I want ISIS destroyed, dead, annhilated , terminated, vaporized, eviscerated and all kinds of f*cked up!
AAR: That's great sir but how do you plan on doing that? Even some of your fellow republicans are against putting boots on the ground and admit that air strikes have limited capabilities. When being honest your colleagues admit that real options that can hurt ISIS are limited.
(McCain makes a smile that scares me and begins to rub his hands together.)McCain: We don't need to put soldiers on the ground. We just need to put one man on the ground.
AAR: Who Rambo?
McCain: What do you think I am crazy? Rambo is not real.
AAR: Then who sir?
McCain: Captain America!
AAR: What the f*ck did you just say?
McCain: You heard me Captain f*cking America. We drop him in he kicks some ISIS ass, problem solved.
McCain: Bullsh*t did you see Winter Soldier? He beat like twenty guys in an elevator!
(The aide again whispers in McCain's ear.)
McCain: I have to go, it's nap time.
AAR: Oh please don't let me stand in the way of your nap time.
McCain: Thank you Mr. Carson
THE END
DISCLAIMER: Due to the nature of the Internet I feel posting this disclaimer is needed. This is obviously satire and I did not actually interview Sen. McCain. I sure as hell don't work for Fox News. That should cover everything. George L. Cook III
