Monday, February 16, 2015

Free advice to republicans when it comes to questions about African Americans.

In light of Mississippi Republican Gene Alday lawmaker making some comments so racist that his own party quickly distanced itself from him (so you know what he said was messed up), I have taken it upon myself to help my republican friends when it comes to answering questions about African Americans.

Now, I'm not going to tell you to avoid phrases like, "them", "The blacks", "democratic plantation", or "those people". If you follow my advice you wont get into trouble for using any of those dog whistle phrases.

Now pay attention my republican friend. If a reporter ask you a question pertaining to race DO NOT under any circumstances answer it! This reporter is not your friend. He or she knows that you will give an answer based on your limited interactions with African Americans. Not only that he or she knows that most of what you will say will be based on stereotypes and false propaganda that has permeated the Republican Party for years thus setting you up for a spectacular fail.

So what's one to do?

Now if the conversation is over a cell phone make a static like noise, pretend you are losing reception, and hang up. Do not take the follow up call from that dastardly reporter!

So what do you do if confronted by a reporter in person? Don't worry I gotcha.

If a glass of water or some salt is nearby throw these items into the eyes of the reporter to give you time to run away and jump into the first moving vehicle you see. The salt will give you more time for obvious reasons. In there is nothing their to temporarily blind the reporter you can try a diversionary tactic like shouting, "Hey, isn't that Hillary Clinton?". When the reporter pees themselves and turns away you can run for it.

If none of that works then pretend to pass out and remember to keep your eyes closed until your aides and staff can whisk you safely away.

If you follow these steps you will be okay answering questions on race and not insert your foot into your mouth.

Now if you do some dumb sh*t like take your republican ass to London and answer ANY question even I can't help you...LOL.

George L. Cook III

No comments: